my life part 2

Ok another oddity of life. When I was in kindergarten, I had a teacher who thought that it was completely wrong for me to be left handed because it made me different from the other students. So she tied my hand behind my back so I would learn how to use my right hand. This made me dyslexic and I had all kinds of problems from it, but on the other hand this is why I do everything with my right hand except for writing which I do with my left, and as for being different then the other kids, I like it....

my life part 1

I’ve decided to start writing about my life, I doubt most will care but I have a few interesting stories to tell. Most are true and some are based off of fact.
I was born May 15, 1976. I was very young for my age. I had a small hole in my heart but it closed up. I don’t remember much from when I was that young but I was a very sick baby. For all those that know me, this shall not be much of a surprise. I spent most of my babyhood in the hospital with ear infections and such, but the most coolest thing ever also happened. I developed flu like symptoms and a rash on my butt. I kept throwing up constantly. The doctors kept saying it was diaper rash and not to worry about it, but it kept getting worse. I developed a high fever to top it off. My mother got worried and rushed me to the emergency room because I kept getting worse. They ran some tests on me and said If she would have been even a few more hours I might have died. It was no diaper rash, it was a yeast infection. It took entered through my mouth from someone who didn’t wash there hands well after pleasuring themselves and putting there fingers in my mouth. Sick bastards. It took over my digestive system and almost killed me. That is right fact one about me, I almost died of a yeast infection.
Stay tuned for more unusual stories from the Leeman.... Later

Fish Pants

Why is that net in the bottom of some swimmers trunks for guys and not in the bottom of others? What purpose does it really serve? It is not like it is protecting my nuts from an impact or anything and its not keeping them secure. Hell it’s not even very comfortable. They way I figure it is there is a fishing net. The fish think my unmentionables is bate, so they swim into my shorts. Then they get tangled up in the net. So when I’m done swimming I have fresh fish to cook and eat.

Making It To The Moon On $1.50 Of Gas

The true secret to space travel has been solved. The current issues with space travel is costs. The answer to that would be to send smaller people into space. I think it is about time for NASA to acknowledge the little people are suited for space travel. Yes that is right midgets in space. There smaller size means smaller ships and less food and water consumption, meaning less fuel and cost for travel. They are just as capable of space travel and would be perfect for colonization of mars. I also believe that years of being in zero g environment and lower gravities would allow for our new astronaughts to grow slightly to be more prepared for the Martian landing.

Recycling Vs. Not

We really don’t need to recycle all we need to do is find an active volcano and throw all of our garbage into it. It’s like recycling but less costly. And we maybe helping to create new land masses for people to live on. It’s a perfect solution to a costly problem.

Lessons of Life

There are only a few things i've learned in life and I feel i should share them with you all.
1. Never get caught. If you don't get in trouble you didn't do anything wrong.
2. Never spray air freshner on any part of your body. Even as a joke it burns like hell.
3. Avoid the clap (from a league of their own) always good advice.
4. Never actually smoke rope. You will get a lung infection, not a good thing.
5. If you are at a party and someone offers you something and you have to ask what it is, you don't want to know.
6. Credit cards are not your friend.
7. Guys in bands get chicks, it doesn't even have to be a good band, just act like you can play and instrament and you are in.
8. Never go to a strip club with a credit card.
9. When taking medicine always know the diffrence between a tablespoon and a teaspoon.
10. Don't hate, you always become what you hate.
11. Stick up for the kid being picked on, he's gonna end up the rich one later in life.
12. Life is short, way too short, don't worry so much. If worrying won't fix it don't worry.
13. Don't be shy, your opinion matters. It's hard to beleive but i used to be very shy.
14. Look past the little annoying things about people and see all the good things.
15. Only 1% of the world are a$$ h0les, but 99% of the world refuses to come out of their houses and leaves me alone with the 1%
16. The more you try to figure out life the less it will make sence.
17. Tom Cruise is a good actor, but he is clinically insaine.
18. Never date a girl who is more interested in kissing your roommates girlfreind more than you. She is probably not serious about you.
19. As they say clowns do eat people.
20. Money can't buy happyness, but being broke doesn't make you happy either.

Man Vs. Cows

This is a review of an unofficial experiment done by people who's names have been changed to protect them. In faze one of the experiment we put cows in a hallway with a feeding station attached to the length of one wall. At the push of a button the food would fill the feeder and start to move farther down the feeder for the whole length of the feeder. Part 2 of the experiment we went to a grocery store and filmed the parking lot. What we noticed was that when the cows were let into the hall that they would move to the closest part in the feeder and if one cow noticed that it was taken then it would move farther down the feeder to get at the food, but in the parking lot when a parking spot close to the door was taken the cars would circle around and wait for the spot to come open. I therefor hypothesize the cows not only are smarter than humans but also not as lazy.

When is a cowboy not a cowboy?

Why are red necks and hicks so sad? They sing all these sad songs about there dog running away or how the sun looks like a beer, but they should be happy. I’ve seen the people in the institutions and they are always smiling, cause they don’t know any better. I mean come on they’ve got the life. Sitting around giving sheep bedroom eyes and drinking an old Milwaukee’s best. So there wife took there truck when she left at least the chickens are still pecking by the fence. The catfish are still in the river and the crackers house is still on wheels.
I would also like to say that owning a cowboy hat, having a big belt buckle, driving a truck, or listening to shitty music does not make someone a cowboy. Despite what everyone thinks. Have you actually ridden a horse, wrangled a cow, smacked a bull in the head just to piss it off. Worked on a farm at least. If you answered no then no cowboy... I was raise on a farm. I have ridden a horse, I have broken a horse, I have listen to country music unwillingly, I have milked a cow and pissed on an electric fence at the same time. I have driving a combine. But I am not a cowboy. Just because a cracker listens to rap or drove through the ghetto doesn’t make him a gangster. A big belt buckle does not make your penis bigger. You are not a cowboy. You grew up in the city, you worked in a factory, you think wrangling cows is buying a steak. Your 4 wheel drive truck once drove on your lawn so you could wash it, that isn’t off roading. I actually have family members who are cowboys and write country music... they know you are not a cowboy. Even if you like sheep and have velcro gloves.... Not a cowboy just sick.. That is all. Has the guy in the cowboy hat playing hank Williams jr. actually listened to hank Williams sr. Has he actually seen a wolf or coyote other than ciotee ugly the movie. Cow boy wannabee are the new gangster wannabee. Just be yourself, you can enjoy music, because it’s art it doesn’t make you what it is. I like punk rock but I’m not a punk. I like dance music and I can’t even dance.... Grow up and be yourselves cause you rock without the rock....